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Scream if you want to go faster…

It seems like an age ago we met the two most amazing, special and gifted little boys.  It was actually only 7 weeks ago that we had the chance to meet them at the activity day but it seems like a decade  ago.  It feels nearly as long as the whole run up to the U.S. Presidential election, but thankfully without the slander and mud-slinging. Let’s hope I am using the right email account hey!

What has happened to me?  Every waking moment of every day, when I am not fully engrossed in work, I am thinking about the boys.  What are they doing now?  What are their memories of the activity day?  How are they feeling?  What are they eating?  I wonder if they are outside now in this weather?  How are they getting on at school?  Are they happy? The questions never cease and the list keeps on growing.

What on earth has happened to both my body clock and my emotions?  I used to be someone who woke on the alarm around 7 am and struggled to get out of bed.  Dragging my sleepy carcass into the shower. Since meeting the boys and in the whirlwind of emotions, meetings, telling work and building our thoughts of the future ahead I have been waking naturally and wide awake at anything from 5 am to 5.30 am. My brain switches on, the questions and thoughts start flowing and I spring out of bed.

Now I have never been known as someone who doesn’t show his emotions. I don’t hold back in showing my emotion and thoughts.   In fact I have been known to cry at anything from Hollyoaks, (yes it’s my dirty little secret – don’t judge me), Eastenders and the likes of the Great British Bake Off.  Now I seem to fill up even more about anything.  As the reality hits home, as the boys are constantly in my thoughts I keep on crying at any moment.  My emotional roller coaster is definitely on full speed and I know this is going to continue.

For anyone considering the adoption process you need to be prepared for this.  Letting that tap open and allowing your emotions to flow, helping you to regulate your thoughts and to process just what is going on.

I title this post ‘Scream if you want to go faster’ and boy do we!  It seems like an age since we met the boys, it was weeks before we heard anything afterwards and at every stage the hills and drops keep on coming and faster.  One day we are frustrated as we hear all meetings have not been arranged and as such our matching panel has been moved.  The next day we learn of key dates and meetings being arranged and that actually this postponement does not affect the proposed introduction dates with the boys.  It’s like we are on this roller coaster that we don’t really have any control over.  We are in the hands of the professionals.  All we can do is buckle up, hold on tight and ride the highs an lows whilst screaming a bit harder to go a bit faster.

Today we meet the foster carer for the second time along with the social workers.  It’s time to start learning more about the boys now and to buckle up for the ride.

Update: And BANG there we have it another roller coaster drop.  Just found out the meeting won’t happen today now.  Trying to rearrange and we are naturally disappointed as we were so excited to hear more about the boys and how they are doing now.  Buckle up and keep screaming, it’s part of the course.

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