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The light at the end of tunnel is getting brighter and is calling us

So it’s been a while since my last update.  The light at the end of the tunnel is shining bright and is calling us.  It’s not the end destination but actually the start of another journey and the most important part of the journey!  We are within spitting distance of our lives being enriched and changed and everything that we have worked for so far is starting to add up and make sense.

Having been in the process formally since January, working through stage one and stage two, getting approved to become adopters, going on FASD training courses, attending stage training and networking with our stage one fellow adopters – all now seems like a distant memory as this roller coaster and train pushes forwards.  At the time these achievements were the most important things in our lives, now they seem like a distant memory.  A bit like when you are doing G.C.S.E.’s and nothing else seems more important. Only to then feel 4 years later, when you are deep into a degree that they were just a means to an end to progress to the next stage.

We can’t stop thinking about the boys and miss them dearly as it has been 3 months now since we met them.  It’s agonising not being able to see them but we totally understand why. We wonder what they are doing each hour of each day. How did Christmas go for them?  Were they excited?  Did they find it hard? How are they reflecting on the goodbye session with their birth family which must have been so hard for all parties. I can’t begin to imagine what it was like for the parents and totally feel for this hard process for them.

Just before Christmas we had a meeting with the Early Attachment Team who had assessed the boys in both school, social and home environments.  Having had a snapshot of their report beforehand we were pleasantly enthused by what we read and heard.  There is nothing major that we need to look out for but there are some areas to focus on and to be aware of, which may come to light more in the first few weeks of placement as they regress to previous behaviours.  All in all, what we heard didn’t scare us but it was more insight into the boys and who they are.  Forewarned is being forearmed and all that.

Now the meeting however itself was frustrating to say the least.  If you are going to be having this as part of your process then I want to share our frustrations but without being too negative.  After all, we gained some invaluable information in the meeting.  What transpired however was really a meeting of four professionals, our social worker, their social worker and the two attachment team members.  The meeting was basically all of them talking over us as if we were invisible and in some cases really talking down to us in a condescending way. I would stress however this came more from the attachment team and not our social workers who are amazing.  At some points we couldn’t get a word in edge-ways, even when we had an important question or observation to make.  When my husband did manage to get a question in he was quickly knocked down with a condescending response.  To say we came out of that meeting frustrated is an understatement but we then did what we normally do and reflected on it and gathered the positives and the great information we gained on the boys.

It’s not like me to be negative in this way, and I am not scorning the meeting but be prepared to be frustrated.  However, such is life and there are times when you just take things on the chin, focus on the outcomes and move on.

Since then we have had a family Christmas and the husband has been really busy building two of the most amazing beds for the boys.  I will share some pictures in due course but he really has grafted.  I have been at work trying to close all sales we can for the year end – the key thing driving me is that I want to get the best bonus possible to have funds for the boys.

The train is moving fast.  The ups and downs of the roller coaster continue and the next station stop is the big one. Matching Panel Approval in mid-January.  We can’t wait and I can’t wait to cry, laugh and scream from the rooftops when we get approved.

#adoption #adoptionuk #gayadoption #matching

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