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  • mattflukes

Self care in the greatest sense of the word

So here we are in the French Alps.  We took the advice of many adopters to squeeze in one final holiday before the big day of matching approval and then introductions.  We decided to come back to a village we have been to twice before – Les Carroz.  A wonderful alpine village, family friendly and back to a lovely hotel – La Croix De Savoie.  Run by the family Tiret and they are simply so welcoming.

This self-care break has turned into more self-care than we had envisaged.  Firstly, there is no snow so that really put skiing off the agenda.  We resigned ourselves to the fact that either way we are on holiday and although we are not donning the ski boots and we have lost money on the ski hire etc. we are still on holiday, where the air is pure and the food delicious. Allowing our heads to clear and prepare for the year ahead.

Secondly, Mr F , ( and I can call him that now as when we got re-married recently he took my name), however has taken a turn for the worse. Before coming on holiday he spent a good 3 days working hard at home whilst I was at work, trying to close as much year end business and get the best bonus ever before I go on statutory pay for the boys.  Mr F spent 3 solid days building some amazing but very heavy and complex mid-sleeper beds for our new arrivals.  I hope to share some photos of the beds soon as they are simply divine and boy would I have loved a bed like that when I was 4 and 6. However, he spent those days working hard and on his knees and before we left developed some knee pain.  This has since worsened into a full on blood and skin infection and his knee and leg have doubled in size.  He is in so much pain and I feel useless.

Our self-care break has really been about self-care.  So far we have been to see the emergency doctor on the 1st January, Mr F has had a couple of strong antibiotic injections and they are not working well so he now has oral antibiotics to take that hopefully means he can fly back on Wednesday.  I have had to pull out all my French vocab for medical issues and the doctors have been great but he is in so much pain and I can sense increasing frustration.  I want to care for him more but don’t know what else to do other than to be there for him.  We will get him sorted but it has naturally put a dark cloud over the break and the more it goes on and the worse it gets, the more he is becoming frustrated.  I want him to know it has not put a cloud over it for me and I am simply here for him. After 24 years why wouldn’t I be?   I feel for him as I know he wants to be out walking and not laid in a bed in agony.  One saving grace is that at least the lack of snow means that he is not punishing himself by not being able to ski as I know how much he loves skiing and he is so much better at it than me.

So NYE passed well.  He was in pain but we went for dinner and then saw the countdown in the main village square.  Me being me, I danced and made a fool of myself in the party hats we had been given.  I will never loose my foolishness.  The minute I do is the minute I stop being me and this fun element I want to pass on to our boys.  I say our boys as really they feel like our boys already and yet again we can’t stop thinking about them every hour of every day.

As the clock struck 12, all we could think about is WOW this is it!!  This is the year and the month when hopefully our loves will be transformed and enriched into our dreams.  It’s only a matter of days until Matching Panel and Introductions and starting the new year really brought this home.  In my usual fashion, I burst into tears.  Good tears!  Happy tears for what is about to happen and also grateful tears then we came into this process at the right time to meet the boys. In fact we were both blubbing in the main square.  The other people must have thought we were nuts.

Their social worker sent over some new photos of them recently, of them in the summer playing outside and exploring and foraging in the bushes.  Oh wow.  How beautiful they look at how much they look like a pair of little lads who right now I just want to cuddle, give love to and provide with a life they deserve. They are such outside boys and this is amazing for us as we are too and want to be more.  Walking around the village here in Les Carroz we can’t stop thinking about future times here and hopefully they will like skiing or want to give it a go. ( We will of course try and see if they want this and will do some trial ski sessions at an indoor place in the UK). I simply adore seeing kids ski.  No fear and so much fun.

Today I went up to the top of the mountain on my own and had a moment.  Just me, the view and the air and my thoughts.  There was a kids ski club having lesson on the only snow that existed from the blowers.  All I could think was how wonderful it will be for the boys to be there trying this, having a laugh and enjoying being outside.

The Self-Care holiday has turned into more self-care than we had hoped but also a great chance to reflect on us, our relationship, the future and what is about to come our way.  Our hopes, wishes and excitement being at the forefront on our minds.  Right now my self-care is to look after Mr F.  get him feeling well and better.

So Happy New Year to all of you.  I hope truly that this year brings lots of love, happiness, health and the joys of dreams coming true.  Our dream is the cusp of becoming a reality and I can’t bloody wait!!!!!

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